=)=

Thursday, October 26, 2006 @ 20:54

Betrayed yet again, another cut in my heart
This one won't heal. It's too personal

Betrayed yet again, another cut in my heart. This one won't heal. It's too personal. I can't believe that this can actually happen. It stinks of irony from top to bottom. If my life was made into a story book, Ms. Ng would love how ironic it is. The situation: I GOT FULLY PROMOTED AND IT'S NOT CONDITONALLY, IT'S FULLY!! WITH 2H2 PASSES PLUS GOD KNOWS HOW MANY H1. I Thought, i made it. I came back home, tell my mother about it and....................................................................... She said my father wants me to get retained.............................................................. @*#%(#&*(^&amp;()&#$%^&*($*^&$*(%#&*(*(&^%$(& NBCCB, WTF, KNN!! I TRIED SO HARD TO PULL MY BLOODY GRADES UP SO THAT I CAN GET AT LEAST A H2 PASS AND SIT FOR THE RE-EXAM BUT NOW I GOT 2H2 PASSES GIVEN TO ME AND I CAN GET FULLY PROMOTED WHICH SOME PEOPLE WILL DIE FOR AND YOU WANT ME TO GET RETAIN??!! WHAT THE FUCK LAH!!!! OF ALL PEOPLE, I THOUGHT IT'S EITHER THE TEACHERS OR THE SCHOOL WHO WILL RETAIN ME, IRONICALLY, IT'S THE PEOPLE WHO I THOUGHT WOULD SUPPORT ME. What the hell is going on with my life... I'm totally at a loss... I really don't know what to do next...

People just don't know how hard it is to live in my shoes. I know what people's first impression of me is. They look at me, than they think how proud I am just because I don't want to talk to them. It's either that or they think that I'm a idiot who doesn't care how he do in his tests or work since his always making jokes with his marks... All my life, people always think that way. Through Sec. school, primary school, real life. Thinking back to Sec. School life, it just hit me on just how many friends i can count on... I can count them with one hand... I only have 5 friends who i can really count on in a pinch... That's 4 assholes and one girl. That's it. The rest are all just oh hey i think i know you kind of friends. Those 5 are the ones who are always by my side. It's really not my fault. Deep down inside, i know, seriously... It's Pioneer Sec. A gangster school. It's either you're liked, or you're not. I belong to the latter. Back than, i seriously didn't care. I just did my work, paid attention in class and had fun with the 4 assholes. But i think what contributted to that was because i spent most of my time reading. It's really not my fault!!! I just can't help it! If there's a book which i'm interested in, i'll spend all my free time reading it... I think that's the reason why...

I think i lost around 10kg already... I have been eating damn little, skipping meals and all ever since i got back my promo results... I must go weigh myself and find out how much i weigh now...

My luck has really left me this few days... I can't even complete a computer generated game of solitaire... Out of the 30 games i played, i only won 4... Laugh if you want, but that seriously show how lucky/unlucky I am... And i have proof some more... My luck is dependent on whether i can win solitaire.

I'm really sorry to all my friends who are concerned about me... I really am... I'm very sorry that i cannot open up more to all of you and tell you my secrets and stuff... It's not that i don't trust you guys... It's... Very very complicated... Long story short, incident happened, my own naiveness caused me to get into alot of trouble... I swore than and there that I would never ever trust anyone so openly ever again... To get to my heart, you have to go through countless barriers and walls. I really really can't open up my heart to all of you so easily... What has been put there has been there since 3 years ago... What has happen before has made me someone who don't trst people easily... As such,

I'M REALLY REALLY REALLY SORRY CHRISTINA AND AMANDA

I know you two are trying your best to talk to me and all but... I'm really sorry, I truely am...

I need to go somewhere where there's no one... I need the time and space to think...