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Thursday, March 22, 2007 @ 19:32

I wanted to block my blog out to everyone. AND I mean everyone. But, I figure that everyone will message me or MSN me what the heck has happened and I really don't feel like answering any questions. I don't even feel like talking at all.
Now, I warn all of you first, especially people who are in the same class as me. I am going to criticize the class like hell. If you think that you're a part of a great class and whatever-not, don't read the part below.

So anyway, I don't really care who reads this. I'm going to hell. Just one more reason for God to send me down. Class 06S02 just sucks. In all my 10 years of education, I never remembered a time I hated a class more than right now.

I totally cannot stand the class. I've reach the point in time when just looking at you people just irks me like hell. Before lit, I was just sitting there and I just saw the way we sat in the canteen. That alone showed me so much about the class. At that instance, I knew that if I didn't walk away, I would most probably start thinking of somethings that will spoil my day so I just walked off to the grandstand where I was all alone. Sometimes, I wonder whether I am part of a class or I'm in the middle of strangers. So I was in the grandstand thinking. Thinking about things that ultimately just made me more pissed off. But than there was lit. I thought lit would change my mood and all... BUT I just realised that lit is really just like 06S02... We are seperated into our own classes... We don't want to mix with other classes during group discussions. We just want to stay within our own classes. Take the work just now. It's really really class politics. I will always be the one who gets to be either 1) alone or 2) in a group that I join just because it's short of members. From last year to this year, it's always the same thing. Ms Ng thanked me for volunteering just now. I told her this: "In the end, it'll just end up to me again." She said:" No, don't think this way." Take it that I never volunteer myself. Who else would volunteer themselves? ( Thank you Karolyn for wanting to partner me) But enough of this. Having 06S02 hate me is enough. I don't need the lit class to hate me too. You all always ask why I tell Karolyn my troubles and all... Maybe because YOU are the cause of them...

I tell you, I've been feeling so fucked up this past few days that I didn't even want to come to school as in pon school for no reason. I mean seriously. Even going to school has no meaning anymore. If I go to school, meet people that just spoil my day and study subjects that I just don't understand. I haven't been telling people this but during the March holidays, I went to CA more than once on Tuesday. I went there not to study but really just sit there and stare at planes. I really mean just sit there, thinking about why things happen this way. In the end, I have no answer to my questions. Yesterday was the day that I hit rock bottom. I just hit rock bottom. I spent the whole night just sitting there and thinking about things. At the end of all that, I just went to my room and cried from 10-2. 4 hours. You say you are in on the verge of breaking down? I broke down already.

What's the point of taking tests if you just fail them? To demoralise yourself? To pity yourself? I know my progress report grades already. I got a U for Bio, S for Maths, and a U/S for Chem... I'm thinking where the fuck can I go with these kind of grades... NOWHERE THAT'S WHERE.

The easy way out would just be to give up, to just drop everything and forget that I even have this things, these responsibilities. But what kind of person would I be if I gave up just because the going gets tough... Aren't humans suppose to get stronger everytime they pass through a tough challenge? But what happens if you cannot pass that challenge... Giving up is so easy... Especially now... Now when everything is going wrong... Now when things aren't going your way... Giving up is so easy and tantalising..............................................................................................