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Tuesday, March 27, 2007 @ 20:36

I've decided to change back web address again. I know lah. I'm damn indesicive can... I don't know. I just can't make up my mind again. Anyway, I really can't memorize my own new blog address lah. So... Back here it shall be...

Before I start anything... I must first say that I'm sorry. I admit that I was in a lousy mood when I wrote that previous few paragraphs. That said, I'm not going to apologize for what I wrote. Confusing? I'm sorry about the way it was presented but not most of the content. Whatever it is, you can't deny that there's some truth in what I said. I re-read it a few times. Sure, I could have put it across in a nicer way... But this is my blog. It's all about what i feel. why should i be afraid to share with the world what i feel? If you're not happy, just don't visit my blog. you wanted to visit it yourself.

Anyway, lots of things have happened in the past few days. I shall try to cover it in as much detail as I can... Although, everything that I go through might just start another war... Oh well...

Alot of things are going on. In my house... Let me tell all of you first. Those who grew up with your elder brothers or sisters looking after you, you better appreciate them. Cause not once did my older brother look after me. I grew up with an older brother who I don't even know that well. Can you imagine how sucky that is? Well, that's my life. But guess what, we were eating dinner on friday and... He told me this:" Eh, you know what, you're too soft-hearted already." He told me that he's going to migrate to Australia soon and live off someone there and he said he's throwing everything to me. I don't know lah, shouldn't he be like, helping out or something? But, I really don't know what to do lah. My younger brothers are failing their Secondary one exams. Wtf lah. How can you fail Sec one. And you know who they blame?? Me... Why? Cause in their eyes, I only play play play, never study... So I don't know wtf can? What should I do?? I do study what... Only not in front of them...

I got my report card back... The grades are fantastic with a Capital F. F for the one and only word there is, FAIL. I got great grades that even I am lost for words ok... I got... SSUSS... Not one freaking single pass! Woo Hoo. Woopee, Hurray! 3 cheers and 3 cheers for me... I CANNOT FREAKING BELIEVE THAT I FAILED LITERATURE CAN! WTF LAH. Of all the stupid subjects to fail, I failed a subject that asks for your opinion. WTF WTF WTF. I improved I guess? My maths deproved by 1 mark. But I did pass my differentiaition test and my complex numbers retest very well ok (12/18) which is 66.7%. But it's not counted... But since I can pass my retest I guess it's ok... Bio is totally crap lah. I deproved by 7 marks. I did study like hell for it ok. I did I did. Can ask my daughter. Lol. Totally subjective one lah the marking. I copied one of the SPA answers directly for my own answers and she marked me wrong. It's totally the same as the model answer she gave lah! Chemistry has improved... I'm surprised... by 3 marks... Hey, it's slow... But at least it's improving... But it's too slow!!! I want to see some results... Never mind, I shall not lose hope... I'm improving slow and steadily... My mother just scolded the crap out of me when i told her lah... YOU THINK I WANT TO FAIL? You think I don't want to shout out happily that I got an A instead of keeping quiet about my S/U grade while everyone else is happy about their passes??? What the hell lah. You think I never study? Wait until I show you never study. You'll see how good my results are than...

Anyway, I was thinking about my results just now... Than I was blasting music... Than somehow or another, this song said this few lines: " What will become of me"... That really got me started thinking lah... If my grades maintain like this, I'm really going to be stuck nowhere to go. It's just like having an O level cert. Whatever the teachers or other people say, End of the day, They still just look at your results. Sure, having all those other achievements might be a plus, but end of the day they are just going to look at your results and say hey, this guys got straight As, let's just employ him over the guy who got lousy results but a good testimonial... That's just the way life is... We only want to see paper qualifications... Have they ever stop to think that sometimes, the people who get straight As actually lose out to those who have a good testimonial? (No insult to the As students). If that's the case, what's the point of having all those extra things like being an OGL and all? It's really just going to eat up all your time and leave you with nothing but a sense of achievement that won't help you in getting a job won't it? REMEMBER, Paper matters, everything else is secondary... So whats the point??? Maybe it's a loser way of saying this but, maybe I really should have gone to poly. Their subjects are easier, if they cannot make it to the U they still can go for a diploma and all. So what's the point of coming to a JC if you aren't confident of going to a U?? And for sure, companies will look for BIG names like Raffles or Hwa Chong or AC.. Where's JJ going to stand??? Ugghhh... How the heck did I digress until that far...

Anyway, am i really that sucky as a friend until I don't even know that one of my close friends has moved house and is considering to drop out of Poly?? Am I so caught up in my own problems that I wasn't even there for my friends who needed help? What the fuck was i doing during this time??? Am i really that useless until you say:" tell you all for what? You all also won't care." Am i really so concerned about my JC friends that I forget all about my secondary school friends? I don't know leh. I keep getting mixed answers lah. Wth can... Someone tell me...

Surprisingly, someone closed to me who never messaged me for such a long time messaged me yesterday and told me some things that really really just makes a lot of sense. Thank You XY. I really really appreciate it... For messaging me the whole of last night and this morning. Thankyou.

Well, I'm gone. It's now 11pm. Got to go back and study.

"The truth does hurt. But if we embrace it with an open heart, it'll lessen the heartache alot."