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Saturday, May 12, 2007 @ 00:04

Actually, I want to sleep... But... I got to charge my mp3 which I totally forgot so I have to stay up until it charges finishes because I have to travel alot tomorrow... Got mother's day dinner with my grandmother... Anyway, why am I even talking about this...

Alot of people have been asking me for my blog address... I don't know whether I should change back or tell anyone... I think I told Karolyn?? I dont know... I can't remember lah... I think I did. Last week? Last 2 weeks? I can't remember lah. Who can remember this kind of things anyway. I don't know whether I should change back. The whole reason why I changed was because I was confronted about what I wrote lah. And I wasn't even referring to that particular person. Got scolded for nothing loh. Stupid... So paranoid for what? Anyway, if I got anything to say to you I'll say it to your face, I'm not like any of you, always hide behind the class and whisper shit about me. Think I cannot hear is it? Got a problem? Say it to my face. I challenge you to. We're seriously not going to get anywhere blaming each other. Wake up your ideas. Just because you have a point doesn't necessary mean people will follow that point.

it's just. I feel stupid for thinking this way lah. I don't even know why I start thinking this way. It's just another case of thinking too much again. Sure, I got some friends who I wish I never met but... There's still great friends that I have. Aiyah... Why the hell am I thinking this way?

Whatever happens, help is at the end of your own arm. In the end, there's no one you can rely on fully but yourself. You can't rely fully on your friends to help you. I don't knowway... Stop. Choto-mate. Ting zi. If this keeps going on... I'm going to be one miserable asshole.

It's now all appearance VS reality. Even the person who looks happy doesn't necessary mean that he/shes's happy. It's seriously a sad thing lah. People who I've known to be always happy are starting to feel sad, but the worst thing is that they can't portray their true feelings. It's really really damn sad. If I write who down here, I'll have to kill you. I know how difficult it is. Trust me, I've been down on my luck for 2 months. Seriously down. But the point is not about me. I know how DIFFICULT it can be, but don't give up. Someone who should know who she is told me this: (I'm paraphrasing it) Whatever happens, don't lose faith, don't lose hope. I know this looks/sounds kind of hypocritical since it's coming from me. Though I don't look like it, I always did keep holding on to this silver of hope.

Life is just full of up and downs lah. Sure, it might be down now but it'll go up soon. I mean... Just look at ............................. I don't dare to say the name. If not most likely I'll die. haha. But look at her/him, her/his life was once down but I can fairly say that it's soaring high right now. RIght? haha. For those studious type. Just look at the catalyst bound reaction. You got to first overcome the activation energy for reaction to take place. Just take your down phase now as the activation energy. Just overcome it and life will become better. Just look for your catalyst. I'll be your catalyst. Haha.

I know that most of the time I don't say the best thing at the right time or the correct thing. I truely apologize for that. What I want to say usually don't turn out the way I want it to sound like. I'm sorry. That's one of my handicap. I never ever could cheer people up no matter how hard I tried. I can't express what I want to say through words. I just hope that most of the time, you can infer from what I mean. I know all of you expect alot more from me... I just remembered a few months ago, I was chatting with someone and that someone said that he/she expected more from me. I'm sorry. If you're reading this. I'm sorry, I just can't reach your expectations. But... This is me, though I suck most of the time, I believe that there are times when I do the right things too, even though it's rarely.