=)=

Wednesday, May 02, 2007 @ 17:21

I overshot my 100th post... Haha... This is actually my 104th post i think. So haha... What the heck... Who cares anyway... I don't even think anyone reads my blog anymore... Shifting around does that to you... Haha...

I seriously hate myself for feeling this way. It just totally sucks. Seriously. When you feel emotionally down, plus the fact that you haven't been sleeping well for the past few days= mentally tired, plus feeling sick for the past 3 days= physically unwell... Add them all together and you'll have a YJ who is sick and tired and doesn't know what is correct or wrong anymore. Great right. Ha...

What is the greater evil? Breaking one of your morals or keeping everything to yourself. I know that I do have friends who will listen to me even though they are happy and all but... Deep down inside, you know that it's your own fucking fault that you feel this way. What right do you have to spoil your friends happy mood with your problem? That's right... What right do I have?? Deep down inside... I know that I'll regret like hell if my stupid sucky mood affects my friend... So what can I do? Keep it all inside or blog it out here... But since nobody will ever read this, I guess I'll just keep it all to myself...

I guess it's time to let go... To let go of the fact that my friends can see how I am and ask how am I... It's time to let go of the fact that anyone will come and help... I guess it's seriously time to let go of all of these... Dreams? Hope? Aspiration? I don't know... I guess it's just a " figment of my imagination..." so as to quote someone...

Sometimes, just sometimes... I wish my friends can be more pro-active... I know that most of them read my blog without commenting... I just wish they would just ask me how I am and all... Imgainative hor... Heck... I'm sure that only I am such a busybody to listen to people when they're down... It's not as I really don't trust you guys... It's just that none of you ever ask me... BUT... End of the day, I can't blame them... This is how I portrayed myself... I really can't blame anyone... So like the saying goes... " Whether we fall by ambition, blood or lust, like diamonds we are cut by our own dust." I guess it's now my time to be cut by my dust...

I feel like a coke can under 100m of water... The water being my studies, friends, family, work... Against all that pressure, there is only one me... How the heck can I withstand all that pressure... Maybe that's why I'm crashing into myself already...

If I fail my chemistry test on equilibrium... I think that's really going to be the last straw... I seriously think I'm going to break down tomorrow if I fail...

Hope, dangles on a string... A string that's about to snap...