=)=

Tuesday, September 18, 2007 @ 00:33

I got to say what's on my mind, it's been bothering me the whole weekend and during the lit. paper just now. Coincidentally, it's about expectations and what nots.

I just found out that my father expects me to get a B for all my subjects. If I don't, there will be another round of shouting in which he will ask why the hell I didn't get my B. Sometimes, just sometimes, don't you wish that parents will look at you and say, " Ya, you already tried your best. It's ok, just try harder next time." instead of " Why you never get a *? (Insert grade here) Is it because you ...............................?" I mean, I know A levels is important. I know now's the time that we should already know everything in our syllabus like the back of our hands (even though I doubt anyone knows their palm well enough) but still, can they not see that we are already stressed up over our studies that we don't need anyone else to add on to that stress level? I know that they do all this for our own good. Continue adding on to our ( Fine, MY) stress level, and you might very well be the straw that breaks the camels back.

What do you expect of me? What are your expectations of me? Frankly, I don't really give a damn. But, after reading great ex, I'm afraid of what will happen when you realize that I don't reach your expectations. We don't want another Wopsle who "died amiably at Camberland" don't we? Ironically, this is your expectations of me, not me of myself. So I'm saying this here and now. Stop having expectations of me. I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO MEET YOUR EXPECTATIONS. So, to avoid having your expectations crush like Wopsle again, do not have any expectations of me. I seriously can't even be what I want myself to be, and that's already not a big thing... So like I told XY, don't think too highly of me, too as low of me as you want, at least, I know that I don't have to live up to any expectations.

What is happiness?? In the word of Jonathan, from his blog, one of the rare times he write something that makes sense :D "Why do i feel the pursue to happiness is endless? Even when one thinks he/she has found happiness, something might come up to destroy it. When Benjamin Franklin wrote the declaration of indepence, he stated that people have the right to pursue happiness. Was He refering to the fact that happiness is an impossible factor to get in life? Why else will he not write people have the right to obtain happiness rather than pursue it? Endless as it might be, I think the only way the pursue to happiness will end is when your past life flashes throught your eyes when you are about to die. =( In life, there are many factors effecting you from obtaining your happiness. Thus the word

pursue :pur·suev. pur·sued, pur·su·ing, pur·suesv.tr
.1. To follow in an effort to overtake or capture; chase
2. To strive to gain or accomplish

which meant that you need to strive and struggle throught ostacles in life to get it... eventually...

To add on to that point, but how would you know when you are really happy? What is the meaning of being truely happy? Is it getting what you desire the most? Getting the guy/girl you've been chasing all this while? Getting the grades that you wanted? Getting the thing that you want? I know someone who is happy because she finally got the guy of her dreams. :D Yet I know someone who is unhappy because he is in a relationship with the girl of his dreams. I know someone who is happy because of the grades she got. Yet I know someone else who is unhappy because of the grades she used to get. :D So, the whole point of the question is, what is happiness? What do you truely want? What are your expectations?

Than again, what will happen once you get what you always wanted? Will you finally be happy since you got what you always wanted or will you be bitter and hateful of the fact that you had to suffer so much just to get what you want? When will humans know when to stop and say enough is enough, instead of going more more more? I'm not making any sense am I? Perhaps what we need is a mirror of Erised

Karolyn! I know that it's normal. I know that you're trying to make me see that everyone is like that but... It's still wrong. I'm still sticking to the fact that it's still wrong. It's still wrong it's still wrong it's still wrong! I don't know lah. Maybe it's my own stupid morals that are stopping me from seeing sense of what you are saying. I know I can count on you but... I can't put it into words lah... Perhaps one day you'll understand... Perhaps one day all of you will see... Perhaps one day all of your feets will be big enough that you can put yourself into my shoes... PS, you're that famous that XY is talking about you. HAHA.

Yea Valerie, I wish the same thing as you... That there is someone to call and talk to in the middle of the night... Too bad, I don't think that wish will come true anytime soon...

My computer is down. So that means, no more mp3 to listen to since I charge it via my computer, no more blogging, no more clearing my junk email, no more contact lists, no more photos, no more important document, no more videos... No more everything that was in my com. I'm talking about my hard drive going spoilt. If you're wondering, I'm using my laptop with the spoilt screen attached to my computer monitor to type this. So, ya. No more music... Shit, what's going to sooth the savage beast now... So if you want to contact me, either call me or message me,(not that anyone does anyway) don't email me. I won't be able to reply until after As. That's when my parents will get me a new hard drive. haha................

Make a wish, make a chance, make a change...