=)=

Monday, September 03, 2007 @ 03:31

I know you tagged me to do the quiz, but I'll do it another day K... I got to say what's on my mind and I promise all of you it's not going to be nice... But that again, I'm not here to make anybody day. I'm here to say what's on my mind and get it off my mind.

Look, if all of you are angry or sad about something, don't you take it out on me. I too have my own troubles and difficulties to get my ass through everyday. If there is one person and only one person who can vent her anger on me, that person has got to be Christina... I know whatever I say to her might be funny/meant as a joke but somehow, ya... I always piss her off... Christina, if you read this sometime soon, I want you to know that I'm seriously sorry for all the times I piss you off, especially about the chinese thing. There can be no way that my chinese is better than yours... Everybody makes fun of my chinese... Even my chinese teachers... Karolyn also... Ok, so there is really no way my chinese is better than yours... Christina, I'm sorry that I cannot be more sensitive to your feelings... I guess always seeing you cheering up on stage makes me think that you're happy... I know... Stupid stereotypic thinking...

It's not about whether I want to tell the truth or not... It's about whether you can take what I'm going to say. Can you? If you can, fine. By all means, let me tell you the truth. If you can't, than you better just shut up. The truth is ugly, can you take it?

I hope you know how much of a hypocrite you are. Saying I'm the one who cause * to be like this. You just better remember where the hell you were when that happened. Need me to jog your memory? I'll give it a kick start. Literally.

I'm not even going to say " Hey, let's study hard and pass our prelims." I say it now, and I mean every word I say. While all of you are aiming for your As and Bs and what-so-nots, I on the other hand, ain't even aiming for a pass. I'm going to crash and burn for my prelims. Someone who has been failing all the time cannot just miracously pass his prelims just because he hopes that he does. I'm not going to place my hopes up high thinking like a naive person that I can pass my prelims and have my hopes shot down yet again. I'm sick and tired of always being so optimistic and thinking that every test I take will be the test that I can finally pass. I haven't touched my chem revision yet, nor my maths. I tried doing bionomial yesterday... I couldn't even do a simple question without referring to my notes. One of the easiest topic and I can't do it. Hip Hip hooray for me. After all, Prelims is just a morale booster for strong students and a morale crusher for weak students.

I know what's going to happen after we graduate from JJ. I can predict what will happen and I know that this is most likely what's going to happen due to the way we act. It's not my fault that I was born with the ability to see what's really happening. It's also not my fault that some of you try to talk about secrets when you are blaring it out at the top of your voices. Yea, I know what's going to happen. Will I be surprised when that happens? No i won't be. I know what I am to my friends. I know where I stand. Even my secondary school friend can see that at first glance. Why can't you? That's the biggest irony of all ain't it.

I went to "see" my grandfather in the morning just now. It's been 5 months since I last saw my cousins. I found out that... One of them had their birthday yesterday, another's sitting for his PSLE, another is one of the top students in her Primary school, and that all of them are all grown up now... It's scary... I never see my grandmother for 5 months and when I saw her just now, she had trouble walking down this flight of steps... Fuck A levels. When will be the next time I get to see her? 4 months from now... How will she be than?

Sometimes, I wish I never met you. By chance, we met in China during the Yunnan trip. By chance, you talked to me even though you had your own friends. By chance, I was talkative and replied back. By chance, you were from the same school as I was. By chance, you gave me your handphone no. By chance, you keep chatting with me. By chance, we became friends... By chance... Karolyn would know what I'm talking about... By chance, we keep saying hi and bye to each other in school and nothing more. When was the last time we talked? July... I miss you... I miss you too Karolyn. If you know what I mean, if not drop it. By the way, whether it starts with a J or an E, it's still wrong and they have the same meaning.

Holidays? What holidays? I'm going back to school everyday. I guess now, after helping *,*,*,*,*,*,*. I guess they don't need/want my help anymore. It's finally time to help the final person. Myself...

Who will guard the guards? Something along those lines.