What's written here are my own thoughts. If you disagree with it, be professional and click the red X on the top right hand side. Please don't spam my C-box with vulgarities.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007 @ 02:00
*
I have no idea why things are turning out this way. I honestly swear that it's either someone up there who hates me a lot, or it's because someone up there wants to push me to my limits. Well then, you'll get to see that very very soon...
I've tried so hard to be someone who my family can be proud of, someone who my friends can be proud of. I've tried so hard... I've always tried to be there for my friends, I've always seen them in a good light. I tried to conform to the way you people did things, whether or not I liked it. But just as the need to conform to fit in is great, the need for self-expression of who you really are is greater. Whenever I try to express myself, I always get shot down immediatly or that I get ignored. The list can go on and on... But the point is that I've already tried my best... But it just seems that my best just isn't good enough for any of you...
I'm not ready to give up the fight just yet... Granted, I almost threw away my notes just now if not for my laziness and my dustbin being too small to fit. But then everything that I've done until now will be wasted. Like Miss Zhang said, Giving up now is a waste. If you wanted to give up, you should have given up a long time ago.
The reason why I shifted back was because I found it unfair that I can read others blog while they can't read mine. So I shifted back, and I read the past few posts that you bloggers have written. I wished I didn't read what was written. How the fuck am I suppose to know?? If you felt that way you should have voiced out. I now know what kind of person you are. I now know that I was wrong to think of you the way I did. I know that whatever I thought about you was wrong. I promise you, Never again. Don't get me wrong. I'm not pissed at what was wrote. I for one support the freedom of expression. I'm pissed off with a capital P because you acted as if nothing was wrong when all this was happening.
For readers who are reading this, I have just 2 words for you. It starts with a F and ends with a F. What do I care if you read this and feel offended. Why should I be the one who does all the clapping while you sit there and enjoy the show. Why should I care? I bet you that I'm going to be forgotten after As anyway. What do I care... I never ever fitted in with all of you in the first place, you people never ever accepted me for what I am anyway. What do I care about all of you "friends"? You guys never ever try to see things from my point of view, never ever opened your eyes wide enough to see the whole picture instead of just looking at the surface, never ever listened to what I say. Why? Is it because I'm not good enough for all of you? Why should I even give a damn, all of you are trying to steal my spot in University anyway. If that's the way you wanna play this fucking stupid game, fine. Let's play.
I quit, find someone else who wants to play the role of supporting people who are never ever appreciative of what you do. From now on, I'm going to do things the way I want to.
Hate me if you must, but I rather YOU hate me for what I do and say rather than I hate myself for what I didn't do or say. My mind might not be worthy, but I promise you it'll never ever stagger in distrust again, to do what's just.
