=)=

Friday, September 09, 2011 @ 21:36

Hello Bessie, today shall be emotional. No it's not about her anymore. This is about what happened 1 year ago.

1 year ago, this exact same time, not the same place, it happened after I finished work with Eve, while we were doing the daily report. Not the same circumstances thankfully. If this thing happened again I don't know what I would do this time...

1 year ago, a phone call shattered everything I knew, shattered everything I believed in. The phone call was from my father. He told me that he would come pick me up at commonwealth and that I had to go somewhere before I went home. The only reason why he would pick me up from commonwealth is because it's the nearest MRT station to Gleneagles. That's the MRT station where I would usually commute to if I wanted to go Gleneagles. So Eve told me to go first, I told her it's alright... Reach Commonwealth, my imagination already run wild. I knew it was something bad. You just know this kind of things. My father still try to... Avoid the topic/ beat around the bush/ hide it from us all. I got so freaking mad piss that I think I told him to just get straight to the f***ing point. That's when he said what I feared the most...

"Your mother has cancer."

You might as well have taken a sledgehammer and smack me straight in the gut with it. That's how I felt. I knew I was fucking angry. Cause I asked him how long he already knew about it already, why didn't he bother to tell us anything. He said that he only suspected it. I knew I told him to stop lying. I didn't shout or anything. I just asked him calmly. For those of you who know me well, when I start talking calmly to you about this kind of things, you jolly well better be careful, cause that's the time I'm already god damn pissed already.

What followed next was hell. Hell on Earth. Try absorbing it all at once. It's difficult and impossible to. That's how I felt. Plus I was having Girlfriend problems. The one person whom should be there to support you through your difficult time didn't. Guess how awesome that makes one feel. BUT, I don't blame her. She didn't and to my knowledge this day doesn't know. I didn't tell her because I don't want her to see me using it as an excuse to get an advantage over her. So to my knowledge, she's still in the dark about it.

Try living a life where you have to pretend everything is ok. Where everything is not but you have to smile and act as if everything is ok. PLUS you had to work the next day because I was one of the few chinese left at Sky plus it was Hari Raya the next day. I couldn't even take urgent leave or anything without affecting those who want to celebrate, so I just put on a smile, act as if everything is alright and yea, it feels like crap.

Anyway, I learnt not to take things for granted, that nothing lasts forever. Even something which you thought will never happen to you did. It opens your eyes. Teaches you not to take things for granted. I know my parents thinking now, they didn't want to worry us. My younger brothers had their PSLE to content with and my older brother and I were facing our exams. That's their rational. But they forgot to factor in how we would feel when we find out during that time. That they didn't trust us? That they didn't think we could handle it? I don't know, I never asked them about this.

But this lesson taught me to treasure everything I had. Even something like your parents won't last forever, that they aren't always strong. They are but also human as well. They are susceptible to all the illness as well like you, maybe even worse since they are old. Look at how they always sacrifice themselves for us, children who don't even appreciate what they do for us. Ask yourself, how many times do you bother to thank them for staying up to wait for you or call them first to tell them you're coming back late or where you were? While you were out having fun with your other half/ friends, did you ever wonder if they were sitting there worrying for you?

Don't treat your parents badly. Don't take them for granted. Don't wait till something happens to them before you start showing them that we do care. I'm not saying that we don't care, it's just that we don't outwardly show it. I know it's difficult, especially for us guys, but we should. Everyone likes to be appreciated. Your parents sacrificed tooth, nail, hair, life to bring you up to where you are now, always ensuring that you had the best.

Yes, I'm not saying that their methods are the correctest or rightest way, but deep inside, I believe that all they wanted was the best for us. Which is honestly much more than what I can say for most of us. I'm going to stop here, cause I'm just repeating what I said on top. Nothing else you take away, take this

Don't treat people for granted. By the time you realized that, they will most probably already be gone and it's too late to get them back.