=)=

Friday, October 05, 2012 @ 02:59

Well Bessie/Betty/Becky;

The time has passed, the day where all... Fine, most of my friends remember I'm alive is over. I guess I'm back to being dead to them until next year again. Yup, my birthday is over for this year. I'm 23 now. Neither young, neither am I old. Young at heart ok? So like every year, let's chronicle what happened to me over the past year ok?

June 2011: Happy Birthday to me, I'm 22.

July 2011: I... was betrayed. By people whom I thought I could trust. It hurt, it sucks, it turned my whole world upside down. Perhaps you would know what it feels like, when people whom you trust with your life would lie to you about something so major. I mean, even when I confronted them, they tried to lie to me and cover up some more. It sucks because... I don't know? The thing about not being told the truth is that maybe you just know that you're not good enough for the truth, and that sucks a million times more.

August 2011: I should have quit my job and left, but I didn't want to, because I wanted to clear my name. Call me stubborn, call me pig headed... Truth be told, I just wanted to make life hell for the person who made my life hell. And boy, did I make her life hell. Haha. But that was the time when I was disappointed with myself the most. I became someone I didn't even recognize anymore. i was bitching about people online, acting like an immature idiot till one day, I realize that it was stupid, bitching about someone just because she bitched about me, degrading myself to her level. So I stopped, while she continued. Perhaps the most difficult thing for me to accept was that why none of the others stood up for me, why no one came up to me and told me: "Hey, it's not your fault, I know." But now I understand. They too were caught in the middle, between the two of us. I understand now, but during that time, it was difficult for me to go to work every week, and every week, people stare at me like I'm some kind of freakazoid. But I survived, and I made her life hell in the process. Good job, me.

Here, I would like to add in this quote. Never a better friend, never a worse enemy. It's become my whatsapp nick, my MSN quick message and what not. I read a James Patterson book and out of 500 plus pages, it was this quote that stood out for me. I think it was Private if I'm not wrong. The origin of this quote? I got this from wikianswers.com: That quote is the lifeline for the US Marine.

Trust me, I'll be the best friend you'll ever have. I'll be there for you when no one else is, I'll look after you till the point where you wonder if I'm in love with you, I'll be there for you 24/7. But piss me off, and wrong me for something that I didn't do, and I'll make your life equally as miserable as you made mine. My stance in life is simple. If I don't do anything to disturb you, you better not do anything to disturb me. Well, disturb me and you'll find out exactly what a bitch I can be.

September 2011: Both Alisa and Yi Lei left, new interns came and what not. The only thing I remembered about September was probably the fact that I had to meet Siti's family because she sabo me. I was just supposed to spend her birthday with her alone, but just 10 mins before I met her, she told me that her family would be there. So in the end, no choice lah, thick skin a bit, just say hi and what not. Then we went to watch a movie, Johnny English Reborn and then I asked her to help me with surprising Alisa for her birthday next at her house. Apparently, we crashed the Fort people's celebration for her and in the end, she ignored them and talked with Siti and I at her playground. Well, after that me and Siti talked for 3 hours before we finally said goodbye. It was 4am I think... And I went to my 0830am class looking like a zombie. Haha. If I'm not wrong, that's the lesson where I slept till I fell off my seat.

October 2011: This month highlight, working 16 hours. =D Oh yea, I remembered. Because aforementioned woman took MC when she herself rostered herself for so many things that I felt sorry for the people affected that I went to work and covered her shift even though I had exams. I did S1+S3+ Spooks till 0100hrs. From 0815hrs till 0100hrs. Awesome right? I know. But I had a good time working at spooks. I mean, I laughed like some kind of possessed maniac. That's how funny it was. You see bfs hugging onto their gfs instead of the other way round.

November 2011: The day where everything came to its boiling point. I think the main issue was that she rostered me for S2* when I didn't even ask for it, then she blamed me for not helping her out or something. I'm pretty sure that she fought with her other half that time and wanted to take it out on me, but that was the day I've had enough of her. She's been bitching about me on and on and on but I just ignored till that day. I think I must have been having a bad day. I told her enough was enough, and brought her up to the higher ups. Even then, she didn't even believe that I would do it. She said that if it came to that, the higher ups would believe her, not me. Unfortunately for her, I got all the others to help me and ya, the higher ups chose to believe me rather than her. After that, she said a half-hearted sorry. But I was too lazy to pursue the issue. I just told her that she stay the F out of my life, I'll stay out of hers. So that was that, and that was the day when I realized that maybe I wasn't as alone as I thought I was. Same thing as before, they just didn't want to get involved. Also, it was the month when Shahida kotex and Darwina left seeking greener pastures... And with that, the team that I grew up with was dissolved till it only left me.

December 2011: Taiwan! Awesome blossom man. The weather there was awesome, the food there. I had no idea what I put into my mouth sometimes, but I just ate it anyway. Chicken heart, pig blood jelly... Just eat only. Doesn't matter. But I had the time of my life there. Awesome to the maximum. It's one of the countries where I won't hesitate to go back to. First time I slept in the bathtub too because my cousin was snoring too loudly and I couldn't stand it any longer. Haha. December... Was also the time I became Sky 1. Well, because of what happened the previous month. IC without ICT. That's why I'm still struggling to learn, even now. I'm trying my best to just absorb whatever I can, ask whatever questions I can. I know I'm not cut out to be an ic. I'm not the nice nice type. I'm more of a Darwina type, where I'll just hantum the person if he's wrong and hope that he learns.

January 2012: Happy New Year! Perhaps the thing I remember most of this was SBP. Went with a bunch of people who couldn't drink, but act as if they could drink. In the end, had to play baby sitter to them. So my night was spent baby sitting people. It's simple guys, if you cannot drink, don't act as if you can drink. Also... Wait, when was CNY again? Last week of January right? Or was it first week of febuary??

January/February 2012: first day of cny was the usual. Meeting people you have no idea who. Second day was... Different. My grandfather passed away. My father's side. Second day of CNY. Want to tell people also cannot, cause CNY is a time of happiness, not sadness. But all things considered, we were considered lucky because we had a reunion dinner with everyone, wen my cousins based overseas came back, we celebrated his birthday the week before so ya. I mean, he was already senile and suffering, to quote my father: " there's no quality to life." so... It was better for him to go. So advice to all of you, don't get so caught up working or going out with friends or other half or staying at home too lazy to go out, just go visit your relatives once in a while. They'll appreciate it.

March 2012: Aforementioned woman left. Thank god, I seriously couldn't wait to usher her away from the place. It's difficult when she is the one who is suppose to do everything, but then doesn't give a shit about anything. It became so bad that several of the full timers were asking me things about sky when I was just working 2 days a week, not 5 days like her. I think it shows that they respect me more than her? I don't know. I really don't think I'm cut out to be an ic.

The only person who understands my method is alvin tan snow white. He knew, I screwed him upside down. In the end, when he left I was... Heartbroken. Not to sound gay. But I am close to him. We were always thinking about where to go for lunch and all... And he's the only one who cares enough about me to buy lunch or force me to drink water at work... I can't find that with my staff now. It's always me forcing them. The bond just isn't there.

I look at my current bunch of staff and I feel a deep sense of disappointment and anger at them. When I look at them, I see all this potential for them to become more than what they currently are now. I see that they can be so much more, that they have so much potential to do things but they just aren't willing to step up to the plate. And it's sad... Cause I was once like this till Darwina kept pushing me and pushing me till I'm what I am today. Without her... I guess I'll be like my current staff. That's why I keep pushing them to be more than they are now. But they just don't want to be. Sigh. I'll keep pushing, but if they aren't willing to help themselves, who can help them?

April/May 2012: I managed with my crazy life. School 5 days, work 2 days. It's crazy and it's difficult and it's tiring. Extremely exhausting. When people keep spamming your phone that they are overseas or at clubs or k-box and you're working your ass off trying to pay your next school fees... It's depressing. But I survived. And I am still surviving.

Perhaps the focal point of this 2 months would be that I went for a marathon without training. Just to accomplish my new year resolution. It poured halfway during the run, and giving up was so tempting, especially since more than 50% of the runners had already given up due to the cold. But I persevered and endured thru the run. It took me 7.5 hours to complete the run, but the sense of accomplishment after I've finished, priceless.

There are a million times I feel like giving up. But there's a million and one times I told myself to keep challenging myself. It's not easy, it's not going to get any easier. But everyday's a challenge. And every challenge brings with it new things.

I'm a firm believer of this phrase:" whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger." and I do believe so. So bring on each day. As long as I'm still alive and breathing, I'll take it as a challenge.

Challenges are there, to mould us into what we should be. Always remember that and never give up.